EMILY’S POST/Reese Witherspoon Comes to Town
Reese Witherspoon is my IBF (Imaginary Best Friend), and right at this moment, she is within a five-mile radius of me filming a movie. Reese, in all her blonde perfection glory right here in Washington is like Queen Elizabeth changing my oil at Jiffy Lube.
I have been so obsessed (not using that word loosely) with Reese since the 1999 movie Election, because she seemed to be a normal person, despite the movie star job.
Around that time I started the IBF term to refer to her. My girlfriends (the real ones) know my Reese adoration, so at my birthday lunch a few years ago, they put a framed photo on the table of me with a photo-shopped Reese in it (see at right).
They said that Reese really wanted to come to Peacock Cafe for my birthday brunch, but sent the picture as a virtual reminder of our close friendship. Very funny.
When Reese and Ryan Phillipe announced their divorce, I called it Black Monday and was devastated. (I know they got married young, but she has such good family values, strong character and they were in couples counseling, so I was rooting for them to make it.)
I’ve bought makeup she likes (Deluxe Beauty Tintsticks). I had my eyebrows waxed by Anastasia in LA because Reese goes to her. I have seen all her movies (well, not exactly all, none of the period piece movies), but all the reallly good ones: Legally Blonde, Walk the Line, Cruel Intentions, Sweet Home Alabama, Legally Blonde 2 (which annoyingly was based in DC but not filmed here), and Friends (okay, so that’s TV but she was very funny in it).
I know I sound like a stalker, but don’t worry, I have never actually tried to see Reese in real life. I just enjoy our friendship in my imagination. Actually knowing Reese has never stood in the way of our friendship.
I often daydream that if I lived in LA, Reese would definitely go from IBF to BFF. In my imaginary world, Reese and I go to yoga classes together, get skinny lattes at Coffee Bean & Tea, shop at The Gap, take Ava and Deacon to the Malibu playground, go to church on Sundays and double date dinners with Jake in Santa Monica. We share our stories of heartbreak (her divorce, my breakups), share clothes (we’re both 5’2″) and discuss careers and love lives. If only we could meet…
But if I see her in the flesh, will my lifelong fantasy of our friendship fade?
Movie stars exist in US Weekly, Vogue or Vanity Fair with perfect hair, skin and bodies. They give witty remarks or share deep thoughts and personal pain. We read these magazines for this reason: to give us the fantasy of seemingly people perfect people and escape our own imperfect lives.
It’s also why Hollywood has a fascination with politicians and they bore us to pieces. For Hollywood, presidents or especially charismatic senators are larger-than-life characters who have the power to change the world. For DC insiders, we see politicians every day and work for them, so there’s no mystery in the daily grind of governing.
So, the past few weeks have been very disconcerting for me with Reese right here in DC.
Part of me wants to see her in person, so I have followed her movement on blogs and friends’ Facebook updates. I haven’t succeeded yet in my quest as I am seemingly always this close to glimpsing the blonde shiny head before she moves to the next location.
A friend sees her at 5th and Constitution last week and reports “best hair EVER”. The local blogs spy her in Adams Morgan and Dupont. The cherry on this sundae: Reese’s adorable, supportive boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal has come to town! They wear matching workout clothes to the gym (anyone know which gym?), do the crossword over breakfast at Le Pain Quotidien in Georgetown and have romantic dinners at Komi and Zaytinya .
She’s so close, but so elusive, maybe she only exists in my imaginary world. So, until and unless I see her in person, Reese remains my IBF with perfect blond hair, hottie boyfriend, monogrammed engraved stationery and precious children. She is kind, loyal, funny, cool, honest, polite, outgoing, empathic and has the cutest clothes.
The latest Reese rumor is that she will be in my ‘hood, Georgetown, on Wednesday. If anyone has a real-time Reese sighting, let me know at emily@emilymiller.org or twitter: EmilyMiller_DC.
Or you can just tell Reese that her best friend Emily says “hi.”
This is Emily’s first column for Local Kicks. Welcome aboard.
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